Chapter 5 • Hitler: The Terminal Biography by D. Harlan Wilson


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“I’m on the ledge! I’m going to kill myself!”

I was in fact on a ledge and I had a knife. But I had no intention of committing suicide. She broke up with me and I felt bad, though. I cried out as if stabbing myself.

“I’m stabbing myself! There, and there! G’bye.”

I called her back five minutes later. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t stab myself. I don’t plan to. Can we just talk? Let me tell you my side of the story.”

She didn’t want to hear it. Her decision was final. I had been a rebound. She didn’t even like me and she wasn’t really attracted to me. She hadn’t intended to be so candid but I forced her tongue. She wanted me to leave her alone. She wanted me never to call her again.

“I’m stabbing myself!”

I hung up and called back.

“Please stop calling me.”

“Why do you keep picking up the phone? You pick up the phone, like, every time.”

She hung up. I called back and she answered the phone again.

“I’ll be over in a few minutes. We need to talk about this. Seriously. I think we can work it all out.”

She said she’d call the police if I came over. I made a compelling objection and she agreed not to call the police. I submitted a riveting appeal and she agreed that she might actually like me. “I might even love you,” she added. By the end of the conversation she insisted that we move in together. At the very least, I needed to come over and see her, but I decided to stay home. Better off without her.


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